Well Once Again...

I feel like i say this every time i come on here and type but it's been a moment. Not sure if i should update you on what has been going on in my life or just rant but we'll see where it takes us. Wrote to my daughter again today and therapy is at 2pm. Getting some things done, aswell. Am i having an anxeity attack at this moment? Yes. When am i not. Shit is starting to really get old. I'm tired of it and i'm tired all the time. My job is ok so far though. I just hate our salesman. He over orders at times and it's like "dude they are not a warehouse. wtf?" but whatever nothing i can do but work the shit the best i can. Some days it's hard to get outta bed. I am also just not a morning person. If i honestly could start my day at 9am i would. that would be perfect. Ugh. anyway that's about all i got at the moment. there is a shit ton more but i can't think of anything to type. -Keno

It has been awhile...

Hello old blog, how are you? Hello folks. I hope you are well. It's been a good while since I've bitched and moaned on here, eh? It's odd to come back but at the same time it's nice to see. I'm still going thorugh the same struggles. Things are defiantly better though after 3 years. Divorced my douchbag husband, had a kid but gave her to a better family (adoption), living with my life partner/best friend now for 2 years. BUT job is still shit, my hands are still fucked up and my depression is... i wouldn't say worse but it's still there; of course and raging on. Can't complian to much though, it's been really good after these 2 years of living here and about to move now to an actual house. I'm excited. Well anyway... just wanted to update ya. Might do this more often now or maybe not who knows we'll see. -Keno

Rant [Short]

I wish I could draw again. Having this carpal tunnel is not fun. I don't enjoy it of course. But there is nothing I can do at the moment for it. Sure if I had insurance I could but I live in America, i can barely afford rent. 'Well egt a better job." "Do something about then." Don't think I have tried? My better job turned out not to be all that great something I didn't see myself doing for the rest of my life. AND filling out applications all the time HOPING for a chance to find another, feels like a waste. I know how the hiring works now a days and it is not the same. "Well just go to the doctor and pay for it later." Yes, and be in more debt then I am now and never be able to get out of it. My children's children will somehow get all the bull shit I have been through. I don't like the idea of 'Just do it.' When you do it and get no where. I know I need to keep pushing I know something is just around the corner for me, but telling me to keep going it not your place. The one thing that kept me going is the one thing I can't do anymore. That is my struggle. And I don't like it. Being in pain is not something I want or wanted... I just want to draw again. That's all I want.

Fine wanna play that game.

I hate my so called friend of 8years...  He's selfish, egotistical and is only out for himself. He's poison to me and I'm done. Minute the lease is up Im out ans i don't care what happens to him after that cause i need to move on in my life.