Dealing With It....Least Trying Too

I'm not sure what it is lately but I have come to the conclusion that I will never win. Anything. Things in my life, this depression... nothing. Funny thing is I know what i need to do... it's just trying to do it is the hard part. I'll give an example, last night after my damn car broke down and my fiance and I left it at it's final destination cause honestly I am done fighting with it. (Took my plate and paper work) walked home for 2 miles, and then needed to get somethings done at the house. (Laundry, cleaning etc.) I was about to start up my laundry when it hit me. I realized it hit me but I couldn't even stop it. I tried my best to start what I needed to but ... nothing. I ended up just going to bed. I'm awake know thanks to my new cat. He's dramatic in the morning. For no reason. I thought too that getting a pet would help me out in this depression... it has slightly but not the way I thought. Least I'm keeping up with him and also cleaning a bit better. Again not like I want but it's a start I guess. I think at this point in my life I just want it to be my fiance and I but I highly doubt that is going to happen at this time OR ever if I wanna be dramatic. I always think too "Maybe if I would have stuck with that other job we would have been fine." I mention this because the job was simple enough and I made great money but after around my 3rd month mark it was getting to a point where I wanted to shot myself everyday... I would leave my desk for break and sit in the bathroom crying for no reason feeling like I didn't belong there at all. Wanting to just go home. The employees and staff were great, but the job it self was stressful and tacking on me. So at the end of it I didn't think the money was worth it, left and went back to my old crappy part time job... which I am grateful for that my old manager really liked me and what I did but thinking on it now makes me regret it... and I know that you can't regret things in your life that just happen but that I could have stuck it out I could have made it to march and got another position within the company and better a hell of a lot better off. But at the end too I just... have to deal with my actions. AND this is where it leads me. 6-7am in the morning, dealing with my dramatic cat, a somewhat NOW unbalanced relationship with my fiance, and me, trying to deal with me. I know when I read this over it will make no sense to anyone or even myself but it's what is on my mind at the moment and it needed to come out.